Out of control
by JustMe12345
Summary: Sometimes things that seem to be out of control happen and we'd do anything to change them, but other times... other times those things are so all-consuming we wouldn't change them for the world.
1. Prologue

A/N: This is my first Harry Potter story, so be gentle… and review if you like! Makes my day!=)

Hermione was standing in the middle of a dark room. There was a bed draped in grey, satin sheets right next to her and a window on the west wall. She looked around her some, but the rest of the room seemed to be entirely bare. She could hear a faint, sensual, evoking melody in the background and smell a familiar scent she could not yet place. She closed her eyes hoping to identify it and that was when a pair of hands attached themselves to her hips. She was already so hot just by the ambience of the room that she couldn't help but moan deep in her throat when the body that had just grabbed her from behind pressed itself against her and that same pair of hands travelled up her sides tantalizingly slowly. She decided to turn around when she could no longer take the teasing quality of the trail of kisses mystery-man was leaving along her throat. Once she turned around, she didn't waste any time and devoured his mouth with her own. She had figured out who he was. His scent was unmistakable, his manly muscles rippling beneath her touch unparalleled and the fire he was awakening within her completely new, but the feature that made her connect it all in her lust-fogged brain was clearly his wild, unruly hair.

"Harry...", she whispered.

And that's when a loud wail awoke her from her wonderful dream. She woke, hot and bothered and totally disoriented and frustrated, to discover she was in her bed-her five-year-old daughter crying because she probably just had a nightmare-next to her husband. The guilt she was feeling for dreaming about her best friend rivalled no other as Ron stirred and told her not to worry, that he'd take care of Rose.

The kick of it all was her husband had NEVER made her feel that fire... Oh, how could she have messed things up SO bad?


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Okay, first off, I forgot the disclaimer last time, so, just in case anyone hasn't figured it out yet, I'm not JK Rowling and, therefore, own nothing!

I also just wanted to thank Man of Constant Sorrow for taking the time to review, you made my day!

Anyways, on with the story!=)

**CHAPTER 1**

This story isn't one of those fluffy, fairy-tale types. It's not one of those with a happy ending, although some may argue the case it hasn't ended yet. However, for all it's not, it _is_ about love. They weren't perfect. Hell, most may think they were even wrong! But enough of my musings. I could tell you I'd start from the beginning, but not even _they_ know where that is. I guess, for all intents and purposes, we can start our story the day Hermione's daughter turned five, for that is probably the day something started to change in her relationship with her best friend.

It was really early in the morning when Hermione was awakened by her daughter, Rose, who was shaking her shoulder.

"Rosie, honey, what are you doing up?", she drowsily asked.

Her little girl sleepily scratched her blue eyes and shook her red, shiny curls out of her face.

"Mummy, I can't sleep!", she pouted. "I keep dreaming it's my birthday but the sun doesn't come! It hasn't come in long! Can I still have my presents now, even if it never comes?"

Rose had started speaking reasonably well at the age of two or so, so Hermione usually forgot how small she really was. Of course she didn't still understand the passage of time! Silly of Hermione to expect she would...

Hermione laughed a little and tried to placate Rose by giving in on the one thing that was sure to derail her daughter's thought process.

"How about you sleep in my bed tonight and we wait for the sun to come up together?", she cajoled. Her daughter's face lit right up, and Hermione couldn't help but marvel at the easiness with which toddlers managed to go from desolate to ecstatic. "But", she continued, and her daughter's smile faltered a bit and she stopped on her journey over her mother to the other side of the bed, "you and I will wait for Daddy to be back from work before you open your presents. Deal?"

Rose seemed to be considering this. She frowned and tilted her head and further asked her mother.

"Will it be longer until Daddy comes, or until the sun does?", she inquired, and Hermione couldn't help but let out a low chuckle.

"The sun will be here before Daddy, probably, honey.", she answered. "But it won't be too long a wait and you get to sleep here!"

She winked and smiled, which, mind you, is hard to do at 3:30 in the morning, and her daughter seemed placated enough. So, Hermione went to sleep hugging Rose and internally thanked the Gods that her daughter had woken up. This was the first time Ron had gone out on a mission and stayed overnight. One had been long enough, but this was his third, and Hermione had found out that it was hard for her to sleep alone, without someone holding her or someone to hold.

Morning found them both sleeping soundly. Hermione was the first to stir, for, however nervous Rose may be about her birthday, she was still a toddler and needed her sleep. The sun was beating down on her back through the curtains. The bedroom was simple enough, neutral colors, a big bed, two bedside tables with photos of the family, a dresser-drawer on the opposite wall of the bed. There were also a couple of chairs on either side of the drawer next to one of which the door to the hall was located. There was another door too, on the right-hand wall, which led to the en-suite bathroom and walk-in closet, all perfectly organized as per Hermione's requirements, of course, and a huge window almost completely covered the left-hand wall.

It was a beautiful day, apparently, and to top it all, Ron was due home any minute. Hermione could barely contain her excitement while she stretched and gingerly got up, so as not to wake Rose. She picked up her robe and draped it over her dressing gown that she usually wore to sleep and tiptoed out of the room. Once outside she descended the stairs to the first floor and passed the foyer, going straight into the kitchen. Once there, she took out her wand. Truth is she had started sleeping without it more and more, but this couple of days that Ron had been away, she hadn't exactly been herself, so she had indulged. She stopped musing about it and started on Rose's favorite breakfast, chocolate-chip pancakes. It _was_ her day, after all.

She was cooking and completely absorbed in her thoughts about where the time had gone. It seemed that just yesterday she was in labor and, as quick as a blink, suddenly Rose was already five. That's probably the reason why she jumped about three feet in the air and gave a pathetic little wail when Harry appeared out of nowhere -or so it seemed to her, because she hadn't noticed the green flames signaling that he had arrived through the Flu network- in the middle of her kitchen.

"Well, good morning to you too", he chuckled, and went to hug her and kiss her on the cheek.

"Hey", she replied, while clutching at her chest and still breathing a little hard. "Did you _have_ to give me such a scare? Thank God I recognized you or I could have hexed you into next week! My wand was in my hand, Harry!"

"Okay, don't bite my head off, I'm just here to wish my goddaughter a happy birthday!", he laughed.

"She's not up yet", Hermione sighed. "She kind of had a rough night, being that she was nervous and all, so she ended up sleeping with me...", she continued, and he started to look at her with a smug look, as if to say he knew Rose would end up convincing her one of these days. She scowled and went on with her tirade and started rambling to justify her actions "Oh, don't look at me like that, I couldn't resist her! Plus, I made a deal with her so she'd wait for Ron before opening her presents... I know he'll be so stoked about that and Rose might even remember her birthday this time around because she is already five if you think about it, and, oh, Harry, she's getting so big, and-"

She was about to let out a few wistful tears when Harry interrupted her with a gentle look on his face. "Wow, wow, breathe, Hermione. She's still your little girl and she will be for another few years, so breathe."

She took a deep sigh and tried to conceal her wistfulness but Harry interpreted it completely right, as always.

"Hey, relax; Ron will be home before you know it. Now, how about some pancakes for me?", he asked, and winked at her so she knew he understood her worry but it wasn't necessary. Ron was an auror now, just like Harry, and figuring Harry would know about Ron's mission even if neither of them was allowed to discuss it with her, her heavy heart seemed to lift a bit.

She thanked God for the magic that prevented her pancakes from burning, and, just as she was starting to dish them out, a sleepy voice carried from the doorway and startled them both.

"Did you just say pancakes?", Rose asked with a small smile on her face.

Harry immediately left the stool he was sitting on and went to scoop Rose up in his arms and blow raspberries in her tummy while she squealed and squirmed happily. He wished her a happy birthday and so did Hermione, and the three of them happily dug into the delicious pancakes.

**A/N (2):** So, what did you think? I thank every one of you who has added it to their alerts and favorites and hope you won't regret it! Anyways, the little button down there is just asking for you to review… don't deny it!LOL;)


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I'm leaving on vacation so I don't know when I'll next be able to update... I promise to try, though! Maybe next chapter real soon and then a gap or something... anyway, hope you at least enjoy this one!=)

**Disclaimer:** So, once again, I own nothing!

It had been a few hours already since Harry had left, and Hermione was going about the business of decorating the house for Rose's party. The little girl in question was currently at school -Hermione had insisted she should attend muggle school until she was eleven, if nothing else, so that she would learn how to socialize with other kids her age- and she wouldn't be home for another four hours. She had also already woken little two-year-old Hugo up and left him to entertain himself at his play-pen.

As much time as that gave Hermione, she still had a lot to do, and she felt like she wasn't going to get everything done in time.

_(The fact that Ron still wasn't home and she had heard nothing from him wasn't helping either.)_

The living room had already been dusted and the "**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROSIE!**" banners had already been hung. Both plush couches had been strategically placed around the coffee table and near the fire-it _was_ November, after all. In addition to the couches, Hermione had conjured several arm-chairs so that everyone could be comfortably seated and, on the far-end corner a nice big table had been set, where she planned on setting the sandwiches and several snacks and beverages.

Once the initial surprise was over and done with, she planned on retiring the throng over to the kitchen, where they would all have the dinner she was currently in the middle of cooking, and they would end the evening back in the living room, where they would have the cake and Rosie would finally be allowed to open her presents.

In theory, it was all fine and well, but the problem was that, as much as she loved the Weasley's to death, they tended to be chaotic at best, and plans tended to go out the window. And, of course, there was also the fact that she couldn't shake the bad feeling she had about Ron not making it on time.

She tried to keep her worries at bay and kept on cooking and baking and before she knew it people started to arrive. The first ones to get there were Harry and Ginny with their sons James and Albus and their little daughter Lily. Albus was only four months Rose's elder, and the two of them, thankfully, got on like a house on fire. James was a year older than Albus and the latter hero-worshiped him a bit, which resulted in all three of them playing together doing whatever the eldest said. It could have been a disaster, but the fact that Rose was the epitome of cuteness ensured that she had everyone wrapped around her little finger and she generally got her way. Ginny, however many times both her sons had asked her to, had not wanted them to attend a muggle school. She knew what a bad experience Harry had had there and she didn't want to risk the same happening to her sons. Harry, although Hermione knew he wasn't sure it was the right decision because he felt James and Albus would benefit from sharing the experience with Rose, understood Ginny's reasoning behind her saying no and had, therefore, stood behind her on the issue. As for little Lily, she was two months younger than Hugo -Hermione and Ron's two-year-old own son- and, therefore, was drowsy and in her father's arms when they arrived.

As soon as they entered the kitchen through the fireplace, they took in Hermione's flustered appearance-an apron haphazardly tied to her body, flour and other sticky substances all over her and her hair sticking out in any and all directions. They all greeted each other first with hugs and kisses and, once little James had said hi and showed her favourite "auntie 'Mione" his new glasses and gone to play with Albus and Lily was set down with Hugo at the play-pen, Harry and Ginny set about calming Hermione down and telling her to go shower and change while they tended to the few things left to do in the kitchen. She thanked them profusely and started quickly going up the stairs to her bedroom, quickly shedding the apron from her body as she went.

While Hermione was upstairs getting ready, most of the rest of the Weasley clan arrived-Mr. and Mrs. Weasley with Teddy Lupin, George with his wife Anna and their son Fred, Bill and Fleur with Victoire, Brigitte and Charlotte, even Percy and his wife, Laura, with their son Angel. By the time Neville and Luna and Hermione's own parents arrived, Hermione was already downstairs and about to go pick Rose up.

_(Ron had yet to contact her and she was getting beyond anxious-and a little pissed off, if she was being honest)_

"Okay, everyone!" She exclaimed, her voice a little raised so the chatter would die down and everyone would listen to her instructions. "I'm heading out to pick Rosie up, so make your way to the living room and keep the light off. We'll come in through the Flu in there and when we get there you all just yell 'surprise!' and jump out while someone turns the lights on, okay?"

"Aye, aye, captain!", mock saluted George, making everyone laugh.

"Hermione, honey, just go on out, we know how to behave," cooed Mrs. Weasley, "don't we?" She asked in an ominous tone while she glared around the room and paused for a little too long on George.

There was a faint chorus of 'yes's and 'sure's Hermione felt a little placated, knowing how intimidated they all were -including her- by Mrs. Weasley.

Hermione left the house then and Rose was waiting for her at the school playground like she usually was. On the way to the fireplace they would use to flu home, she showed Hermione the arts and crafts presents her classmates had made for her and excitedly told her mum that they had sung happy birthday and given her extra dessert because they had said it was her 'special day'. Hermione laughed and nodded at all the right places, but the truth was she wasn't really paying attention.

Once they got to their destination, Hermione took a handful of the Flu Powder and tossed it in the fireplace. They both got in together and Hermione recited their address. Rose was already used to this form of transport, of course, and thought nothing of it until they emerged in an unlit living room where hidden people suddenly jumped up and the lights flicked on.

"Surprise!", they all chorused.

"Happy birthday, Rosie!", some of them went on to add.

The other kids quickly went to greet Rose while she took in the banner and the food there was at the table to the side, and Hermione could see that, although she was grinning happily, she was a little overwhelmed too.

She, however, couldn't help but look around for the one person she longed to see, and when she sweeped her vision along where Harry stood she could see him sadly smile and imperceptibly shake his head.

_(Ron wasn't there.)_

**A/N:** Constructive criticism is always appreciated!


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Okay, so, first things first, thank you for the reviews and the follows and all that!=) So, as promised, one last chapter before I go. Now, on with the story!

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, sadly.

"So, Rosie, you like the surprise?", she asked her daughter with a big, if slightly fake, smile on her face.

Rose jumped up and hugged her mother like she was trying to squeeze her dry. "Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you, Mummy!" she yelled, and that alone, the cheerfulness in her voice, made up for all the stress Hermione had endured throughout the day, making her genuinely smile for the first time.

After everyone had said hi and given the birthday girl various hugs and kisses, they all retired to the kitchen, where they sat down at the table and awaited the delicious meal Hermione had slaved over all day. She had ended up making home-made lasagna, which Rose loved, for the kids and coque au vin for the adults. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the food and the idle chatter started enveloping the tables.

If she was being honest, this was what Hermione enjoyed most about the big, crazy family she had married into. She was an only child and, as such, even though she loved her parents very much, opportunities for chaotic meals, funny anecdotes and interlacing conversations had been scarce, but the Weasley clan was so prone to this kind of behaviour that she was glad her children were getting a taste of it since birth.

The food was soon totally cleared off the plates -because everyone always seemed to be ravenous in this family and several of the men had second and third helpings-, so time to go to the living room and start opening presents was nearing. Hermione was dreading this very minute, for Ron had still not arrived and she knew all too well that her daughter's memory was too detailed for her own good, so she decided she would try and stall for time.

"Rosie, how about you show everyone what your classmates gave you at school today?", she asked, expecting her daughter to immediately get hyper.

"Yes! I'll go get everything and I will be right back!", she yelled back, already from halfway up the stairs. Both grandmothers chuckled at that and some of the other adults joined in.

When Rose came back, she showed everyone everything and told them about how they sang her happy birthday and how it had been _her_ day and everything she had already told Hermione in great detail. Once the anecdote was over, Hermione knew she had no choice but to bring the cake in already and that, once she had and Rose had blown out the candles, someone would undoubtedly bring up the presents Rose was supposed to get.

Thus, she took the cake out of the fridge. It was a two-story, dark-chocolate-covered cake. It was basically pound cake with a whipped-cream filling in the inside, but it looked like chocolate on the outside so that every kid was sure to at least try some. Hermione was actually very proud of it. It had little flowers made out of wafer on its edges and, on the second story, it had five lit candles that sparkled over the "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSIE" lettering, which was written there in dry white chocolate. The sides of it were also covered in multi-coloured sprinkles and it had a very cheery feel about it. Rose's ear-splitting grin when she saw it made Hermione's day worth it all over again.

Next, everyone sang out of tune and out of rhythm and Rose finally got to blow the candles out, at which point, Harry had no better idea than to magically make them unable to be put out. In the beginning Rose didn't even notice, but, when she realised what was happening, she laughed a little with the rest of them and then gave her godfather a pleading look so that he'd let her blow her candles out in peace.

And that's when it happened, what Hermione had been dreading all along. It was Albus who ended up pointing out that Rose had still to open all of her presents. Now, Hermione loved Albus very much, but she couldn't help but look at Harry in a panic, because he too knew about the deal she had made with Rose.

"Mummy? Where's Daddy?"

Rose's question rang out in the silence that followed. They had all noticed Ron wasn't there, but they all knew he was on a mission so they hadn't wanted to point out the obvious for Rose's sake. But, of course, they had all been stupid to think she wouldn't notice anyway.

"Daddy's still working, Rosie"

It had been Harry who had knelt down face to face with Rose and answered, because Hermione frankly wasn't capable of uttering a single sound. She had just frozen up.

"But Mummy said Daddy would be here! She said I would open my presents up with him!", she whispered. It would have been better if she had obnoxiously shouted, because the way she screwed up her face in sadness and the tears started to form in her eyes just broke Hermione's heart. And her heart breaking was what made her react, ironically.

She knelt down next to Harry and took her daughter's hand in her own.

"Honey, I know I said that, but Daddy got tied up at work and he wants to be here _so_ bad, but he can't. I'm sure when he comes back he will want you to tell him about every one of your presents and how happy you were opening them. You don't want to tell him you were sad because he wasn't here, now, do you?", Hermione tried cajoling. It was the only option she saw viable at that point.

Rose scrunched her face up again, this time as though she was mulling something tough over in her little brain.

"You think if I tell him I was sad he will get sad too?", she asked her mum.

"Yes, I do. I think he always wants to hear how happy you are. Daddy always tries to make you happy, doesn't he?"

Everyone seemed to be holding their breath, even the little ones sensing how important this whispered conversation seemed to be.

"How about, for today, I help you open your presents, Rosie?" Harry asked, at the same time sending an _"is that okay?"_ look at Hermione. But she almost didn't notice his look, given that she was too busy shooting him a grateful one, herself.

Because Rose seemed to be happy again. "Yes! And you can help me tell Daddy everything and tell him how happy I was so he will be happy too!", Rose answered, using her five-year-old logic and finally smiling.

After that, everything seemed to go smoothly. Rose was happy and hyper again and she enjoyed opening all of her presents with Hermione and Harry while everyone else snacked on the food Hermione had set out earlier -and some of the leftover cake, of course. Once Rose was done, it was already quite late and everyone started to clear out because kids _do_ need their schedules and there really seemed to be a lot of them in their family.

Ginny and Harry were the last ones left and Harry whispered something in Ginny's ear that Hermione didn't catch -she was compulsively wiping a table clean the muggle way- and she left with the kids, leaving Harry behind.

"You okay, 'Mione?" he asked, with a look that said he knew it was a stupid question but he needed confirmation that she wasn't going to do anything too rash.

"I'm fine, Harry, really. I just hoped he'd be here, you know? I mean, I rationally know it's not-", she was just starting to vent when Ron apparated next to her with a loud crack. Her face turned murderous -unbeknownst to Ron, who was obliviously starting to greet Harry with that obnoxious guy-hug thing they always did. Harry, however, did notice, and sensing the storm that was about to come, made his apologies and left.

Ron then turned to Hermione and started to apologize, but she wasn't even furious anymore, she was just exhausted.

"Just save it. When she tells you everything tomorrow, for the love of God just tell her the fact that she was happy makes you the happiest and proudest dad alive and that you're sorry you missed it and you love her. I'm tired and I'm going to bed." She accompanied her whole speech with hand gestures and left for their bedroom. She was already in bed when Ron enetered and got ready in his pyjamas. He slipped into bed next to her, spooned her from behind and kissed her on the back of her ear once.

"I _am_ sorry", he whispered, and she let him hold her while she let out one single tear and went to sleep.

**A/N:** I'll try and upload something while I'm away, but I don't know if I'll be able to, so I apologize in advanced if it takes a while to upload the next one. Click on the button below and leave your thoughts recorded for posterity, you know you want to!LOL;)


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